Am I Burned Out?
It’s the spring of 2018 when my client leaves the office and the tears are already welling up in my eyes as I nearly fall into my desk chair. It doesn’t make sense - the session was great, I didn’t seem to have any problem while my client was sitting in front of me. But now that I’m alone, it’s like my body knows to take advantage of this little window to remind me of how exhausted I really am before I push it back down to get to salsa dancing. I know that moving my body is good for me and that it would probably be nice to have some lighter small talk after a long day of work.
After grabbing a quick dinner, I hit the dance floor, have some great dances, but I find myself avoiding leaving. When I finally get to my car after a few songs too many, it all descends again: the overwhelm, the tears, the exhaustion, the confusion. When I finally get through the door I find myself lying in my bed and watching Netflix to distract myself from the whole mess of feelings that I don’t feel like I have time for.
Turns out that those feelings could be summed up as: burnout.
What is burnout?
Unfortunately, there is no agreed-upon scientific definition of burnout, but there’s little doubt among most people regarding what the experience of it is like. The simplest definition I can think of is a basic equation: burnout is when the energy coming into my system is less than the energy going out. When I’m not putting logs on a fire quickly enough, the fire (energy out) is eventually going to run out of fuel (energy in) and it’s going to burn out.
It’s important to remember that each of our experiences of burnout are going to be unique, both from one person to another and from one personal experience of burnout to another. One of the most challenging things about this particular experience of burnout was that I was able to push through and to keep doing, which gave me the impression that maybe it wasn’t so bad. In reality, I was just putting just barely enough energy into my system to barely keep going, but the reality was that it simply wasn’t enough. I was running on fumes.
While yes, many times burnout looks like literally not being able to keep going, that isn’t the only symptom and it may not even be one that you deal with. Some of the signs include:
Fatigue and exhaustion that doesn’t get better with “enough sleep”
Increased irritability and frustration
Decrease in motivation or lack thereof
“Sunday blues”
Difficulty with concentration and focus
Lack of satisfaction
Sadness and hopelessness
Worsening symptoms of already existing mental health issues
Who experiences burnout?
While most resources and statistics related to burnout center on the workplace, the experience of burnout is not limited to this realm. No one is exempt from experiencing burnout, and work may not be the only source. Not only that, but depending on our personal experience, it might not be a source at all. Some other areas where we get burned out can include:
Raising children
Taking care of family members
Managing a household
Personal development or personal growth process
Training for sports
Studying
Other contributing factors to burnout include:
Having multiple areas in our lives where we are struggling with the balance of energy in and energy out
The presence of underlying mental health issues, which may not be attended to or even identified
Modeling from parents, friends, etc.
The culture of a person’s family and/or workplace
Treating Burnout
When working with burnout, the instinct might be to stop everything and rest. In many cases, this is exactly the right first step if it’s possible for you. However, real burnout recovery can’t stop there.
To add another metaphor, often we just refuel the car without asking what is going on that might be causing the car to burn through it so quickly. The idea is not only to refuel the tank, but to look under the hood and address any issues that might be impacting how the fuel is burned. While this might be contentious to some and humans are clearly not the same as cars, I think I can dare to say that just like cars are meant to be driven, humans are actually meant to take action. If you wonder whether or not that’s true, we can look at the simple fact that the more effort we put into something, the more dopamine we get from the results. So much of what makes life meaningful also comes from what we do, not just at work but also in the context of our relationships. If we simply resent doing either because we think we shouldn’t have to or the only way we know how to do results in burnout, the issue might not be doing - but how and what we’re doing.
The idea isn’t just to rest, then. It is also to address the root of the burnout and to find ways to take action that maintain the balance of energy in and energy out.
So how did my burnout story end, then?
The good news is that while I was going through this period of burnout, I had a therapist and supervisor who helped me through this experience. In fact, it was them along with a dear friend who were able to help me see what was even happening.
In the end, I made the decision to find a new job that allowed me more of a balance in my life and gave me the space I needed to have real downtime. Turns out that a lot of what I was doing to take care of myself, while fun and important, was an expense of energy that wasn’t being sufficiently balanced by bringing energy in through things like real rest, sleeping enough, or spending time alone.
While it sounds simple, it took significant work and increased self-awareness on my part to be able to really understand what was going on and how to address it.
Dealing with burnout?
If you think you might be struggling with burnout and looking for support along the way, you’re welcome to schedule a discovery session to see if we’re a good fit.
(Please note: As therapists and coaches, the vast majority of us are very invested in tending to ourselves, and that burnout isn’t because of any client in particular. Just like any job, though, we can get out of balance and not even realize it’s happening, even with all the self-care in the world.)